Sunday, April 29, 2018

Charla's Testimony



My Testimony
How the Lord Brought Me to a Saving Knowledge of Himself

I was raised in a home that believed in God and professed Christ as the Savior. My parents were regular church attenders, and by default, I was too. As I grew up, the person who had the biggest spiritual influence in my life was my Grandma Ladee. It wasn’t her obsession with bible studies or keeping prayer journals that made an impact on me; it was the active, living relationship she had with Jesus. When she spoke about him, it was as if he was her closest friend and she really KNEW him. She helped create a desire in me to know him too.  She helped me understand and believe that there is One True God who is living and real and I could know him.
When I was around 7 years old, I “accepted” Jesus as my savior. I walked down the aisle one Sunday morning, my “decision” was announced to the church and shortly thereafter I was baptized. Growing up in a traditional Southern Baptist church, that’s the typical path many kids follow. We were told that in order to go to heaven, we needed to ask Jesus into our hearts. In my church, this “decision” was recognized in several ways including standing at the back of the church with the preacher and shaking everyone’s hand, being baptized as part of a special ceremony in the worship service, and joining the rest of the congregation in the participation of the Lord’s supper. Along with the promise of heaven and the avoidance of hell, these are things that quite possibly entice a child to make a “decision” to “accept” Christ and, unfortunately, none of them have anything to do with a revelation of the desperate situation of being a sinner in the hands of a holy God. Looking back, I don’t remember a struggle to believe, or a wrestling within my soul. I certainly didn’t understand the gravity of sin except that I knew I did not want to go to hell. Counting the cost and true repentance were not part of my childhood “decision,” but I grew up in an environment where people believed that repeating “the sinner’s prayer” would most assuredly save someone, especially if they were really sincere when they said it. I suspect many people today are still clinging to faith in a past prayer or experience as their hope for eternal life.
Throughout my high school & college years, I seldom doubted my salvation. I considered myself a Christian and believed that if I died, I would go to heaven. Why? Because I had accepted Christ as my Savior and I had prayed and asked him to save me which I believed was the work necessary for salvation. If I did experience doubts, I would just pray again to make sure he heard me when I asked him into my heart. My assurance of my salvation was based on what I had done – my prayer and my decision, although sometimes I would wonder why living like a Christian was so difficult. I didn’t have a strong desire to read the Bible, but I knew that I ought to. I would go through periods in my life when I would read my bible or a devotional, but many times, I would neglect my relationship with Christ altogether. You see, while I had the head knowledge that I was supposed to follow God and be obedient to his commands, my true motivations revolved around self-centered interests and pleasures. Honestly, I was much more interested in the exciting things the world had to offer. 
Also, during this time, I led a double life. If I was around my family or church friends, I behaved in a way to be accepted and approved by them, but around the worldly crowd, I was completely different. Sinning didn’t grieve me. Lying, drunkenness, disobeying my parents, blaspheming God’s name, inappropriate conversations, immodesty and lustful thoughts and actions only bothered me if I got in trouble. Even though I felt guilt about some of these things, I would ignore the authority of my conscience and the written commands of God and purposefully pursue them. I held on to the idea that my “sinner’s prayer” and even my baptism were proof that I was saved and that I was one of God’s children. 
Even though I attended a Christian college, I was still drawn to sin. I joined the “wild” sorority and continued to pursue my own selfish dreams and goals. Everything in my life revolved around me: I was the center of my universe. God was on the back burner of my life and I certainly wasn’t pursuing Christ. Granted, I prayed when I needed something. Sometimes I would even pray, asking God to forgive me and help me to do better. I even “rededicated” my life to Christ a few times! But my concern wasn’t about the sins I was committing against God, it was that my actions and behaviors didn’t line up with the Christian image. In retrospect, I have to admit that I never experienced the authentic, spiritual rebirth that comes from God when HE regenerates a sinner, when HE transfers someone from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of light. I was trying to live like a Christian without the transforming heart change that makes the effort not only possible but pleasing and acceptable to God. All my efforts to live a Christian life were external, not produced by the Holy Spirit’s work of regeneration.
When I was 27, I met my husband. We were both professing Christians and even though we agreed in our desires for a Christian marriage, a Christian home and a Christian family, I can’t say that I wanted Christ. Towards the end of 2010, something happened to our family. The Lord convicted Jeremy, who was bitter over his father’s death and running from God, and Jeremy surrendered his life to God’s leading and call to preach. As Jeremy began to submit to the Lord, he began to lead our family spiritually. Our conversations changed and many times I thought the level of his commitment to Christ and His Word was a bit too radical. In actuality, I just wanted the benefits of being a Christian but I didn’t want to surrender all my plans for our life and future to the will of God. Complete surrender was a frightening thought. During this time, we also changed churches which means the sermons and messages changed: no more topical, life-application, man-centered, seeker-friendly messages! We began listening to expository, biblical preaching centered around the truth of Scripture, the pre-eminence of Christ and the holiness of God. I began hearing words I’d never heard or understood before – words such as atonement, justification, propitiation, sanctification, and regeneration. Even though I resisted at first, I slowly came to realize that my understanding of salvation and the gospel were completely shallow and unbiblical.
Previously, I thought I was saved because I had said a prayer and because I had accepted Jesus as my savior. At some point during this time, God opened my eyes to the beauty of His gospel. He showed me how detestable my sin really was. God showed me that my behaviors and even my “good intentions” or “good works” were evil because the motives that produced them were evil or sinful (self-serving), and no matter how hard I would try to conform to the religious image of the “Model Christian,” my real problem was that on my own, I would never be able to conform to the image of Christ. My desires to be good or look good flowed out of selfish and self-righteous motives, not out of a grateful heart that longed to please and obey my Father. God gave me a godly sorrow for all my sins, not only my past sins, but the stubborn sins that still often plague my heart: pride, selfishness, and ingratitude. I also learned the biblical truths about salvation. I am only saved because of Christ’s finished work on the cross. The entirety of my own actual sins was placed on Christ as he voluntarily endured the wrath of God in my stead while he hung on the cross. I am saved because God chose me for Himself before the foundations of the world and He sent his Son to ransom me and to redeem me. His act of grace and mercy was not because of anything I had done, nor was it because of his foreknowledge of any future actions or “decision” on my part. The Bible records, “There is none who seek after God” and “You did not choose me, but I chose you.” (Romans 3:11 & John 15:16). I have done nothing to deserve or merit salvation. Not only is salvation a gift from God, but so is the faith and repentance necessary for salvation. Salvation is completely, entirely and wholly a work of God. He shall receive ALL the glory for the salvation of his people! “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) When I came to understand that salvation is 100% the work of God and not 99% God’s work and 1% man’s effort as some have erroneously suggested, my entire understanding of my relationship with Christ changed. I owe him EVERYTHING. There is nothing about my life that belongs to me but all to him I owe! I don’t know the exact point in time when I was born again, all I know is at some point during these past six or seven years, God opened my spiritual eyes to the power and beauty of His glorious gospel.
About a year and a half ago, God again stripped me of my pride and showed me the glorious beauty of the cross. I had been having political discussions with several Christian friends who just didn’t see things the same way I did. I just couldn’t understand how they could support a certain presidential candidate. To me, the choice was so clear and biblical: if the choice is two evils, pick neither! But they insisted that picking the “lesser” of two evils was morally justifiable. I argued that supporting neither candidate was the “holier” choice and that sovereign God should be trusted with the results. “How can we have the same Holy Spirit guiding our lives and yet come to such different opinions?”, I wondered. I even began to consider the idea that perhaps they weren’t truly saved. Maybe they were just pretend Christians. As I thought about these things, a question popped into my mind: Well, Charla, how do you know YOU are saved?
So, I thought about it for a while. Well, I know I’m not saved by a prayer, of course. And then I began to tell the Lord why I knew I was saved. I began to justify myself to God by telling him, “I am saved because I know it is a work you have done. I believe what your word says. I know I am a sinner. I know Jesus lived a sinless life. I know he was my substitute. I know he died for my sins. I believe he was raised on the third day. I even understand the doctrines of grace, such as total depravity, unconditional election, and limited atonement.”  And as I began to unload all my incredible theological wisdom before God, in my spirit there was simply, “No.” Immediately, I became desperate and undone. “No? No? Then I have nothing. What can I say? How can I be sure I am saved?” And it was at that moment that I saw with my spiritual eyes – Christ crucified: Christ hanging on the cross for ME, Christ spilling out his blood for ME, Christ drinking the cup of God’s wrath for ME, Christ giving his life for ME. Christ is the reason. Christ is my assurance. Christ accomplished my salvation, then and there on the cross – a finished work! The gospel was so clear and so glorious that I literally covered my mouth with my hand and gasped. When I was looking to my own wisdom and giving myself credit for my assurance, God showed me the beauty of the cross. He showed me that Christ alone gets the glory. He gets the glory for saving me and keeping me. My confidence is in Christ alone and not in my wisdom or understanding of His truth.

Over the past seven years, God has created in my heart a desire to know him, a desire to follow him, and a desire to love him. I truly am a new creation! I am not who I once was. I am being sanctified and the Holy Spirit convicts me daily of that residual sin that is still at war in my flesh and by his grace, he helps me to crucify my flesh, pick up my cross and follow him. Even though I’m not sure when that moment of regeneration took place in my spirit, I do know when I was truly saved: around 2000 years ago, Christ shed his blood on the cross to pay the debt for my sins and three days later, he defeated death with his resurrection. The finished work of my salvation was accomplished then, and that is the most important date to me! Although I was baptized when I was 7 years old, I wasn’t actually born again at that time. Today, I followed my Lord’s command and was biblically baptized by my pastor and husband as a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ.


Soli Deo Gloria!
For the Glory of God Alone!


1 comment:

  1. I loved reading your testimony. Isn't it wonderful that God loves us too much to leave us as we are.

    May God continue to bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete